Ten minutes

January 6, 2014 at 10:45 pm (Ruminations.)

Should I find it apropos that when I tucked a new memento into the frame of my mirror, the picture of us fell out?

Last night as I lay with my back to the room, my mind shifted and moved, sorting the puzzle pieces of life, trying to join them together in logical order. Perhaps I’m starting to see the outline of the puzzle… but I’m still wondering, is that light blue bit going to be a sky, or an ocean, or a whale? The pieces don’t quite fit, but maybe the edge is starting to take shape. Last night, semi-conscious and out of focus, I gazed at the wall, basking in the scent of the day old wine on my bedside table… at this point just a fading memory from yesterday.

My old life has slipped away, and been replaced with a new. How can that void be so easily filled? Is it possible? Is it true? That such a history could be erased, without so much as an afterthought? Almost like it was never there, but my mind clings… like a poem that’s been sitting outside for way too long, words bleached by the sun but still visible from the slight indent on the page. With the light just right it almost seems real. Dutifully tracing letter by letter, I pretend the words are still there, but the truth is they will never be the same… just a ghost of a story, written in new handwriting.

It so empty, it’s like it barely even counts. And in the wake of the tragedy, I’m left…

This morning as I lay with my back to the room, the faded sunlight unfolding, I sorted and shifted the puzzle pieces of my life. Maybe the picture was a bit more evident. Maybe it was a bit more relevant. Through the gap between the wall and the curtain I could see the garden past the dewdrops on the window.

It took me ten minutes to think of you today.

I guess that’s something.

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